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Wrong Place: Wrong Time

September 25, 2013



On Monday Mrs. Chatterbox’s car was in the shop so I drove her to work. She’s employed by the police department in our town and across the street from where she works is an outdoor mall. Later that day I arrived too early to pick her up for the drive home so I ambled across the street to kill time. As it happened, while wandering through the shops I received a call from nature and followed signs to a public restroom in a far-off corner of the mall’s courtyard.


I do my best to avoid public restrooms but this was an unscheduled emergency. So there I was sitting in a men’s room stall, minding my own business and doing what most men do in a similar situation; I was reading the graffiti on the walls. A prominent message scribbled in black felt marker read:


For a mind-blowing good time be in this stall on Monday, September 23rd at 5:00 PM.


I didn’t put too much thought into it, except to reflect on the fact that it was Monday.

(Queue in the sound of chirping crickets)


I didn’t put too much thought into it, except to reflect on the fact that it was September.

(Queue in more chirping crickets)


I didn’t put too much thought into it, except to reflect on the fact that it was the 23rd of September.

(Queue in full symphony of chirping crickets)


I checked my wristwatch and saw that it was four minutes before five.

(Screw the stupid crickets! They could finish their symphony without me.)


I had no idea I could run that fast!







I think there was a scene like that in "Dumb and Dumber." I don't think things ended well for Jeff Daniels, so it's probably good you got out of there.
By: PT Dilloway on September 25, 2013
Confused says, It is a wise man who pulls up his pants and hauls.
By: Oma Linda on September 25, 2013
Pretty sure you couldn't make that up!
By: Cranky on September 25, 2013
By: The Bug on September 25, 2013
Weren't you even a teensy-weensy bit curious? Glad wisdom prevailed!!!
By: The Broad on September 25, 2013
HA! That was great. Love the urinals.
By: David Walston on September 25, 2013
I'm trying to imagine how you'd depict such an encounter in a painting... and I cannot.
By: Daniel LaFrance on September 25, 2013
First rule of writing, Steve: the writer must be open to new experiences. Maybe if you went back. . .?
By: Jo Barney on September 25, 2013
Haha! I think I could probably still hoof it pretty fast myself under those circumstances. :) S
By: Scott Cody Park on September 25, 2013
ha ha!
By: TexWisGirl on September 25, 2013
X travels a great deal for his job. He won't use any restroom in the San Francisco airport! Love, Janie
By: Janie Junebug on September 25, 2013
OMG!!! That's hysterical!!
By: Rita McGregor on September 25, 2013
you can make some of the most dull moments become exciting!! and certainly not boring or ho-hum! and the photos are hysterical also! I think I would have hung around just to see if anything really happened! Keep those funny stories coming! Cheers!!
By: Kathe W. on September 25, 2013
ps I jst looked at my comment and have decided I need to join "Exclamation points anonymous"
By: Kathe W. on September 25, 2013
What a terrible time in your life to be so rudely interrupted!
By: red on September 25, 2013
I love the urinals, too. But, try as I might, I just can't get comfortable sitting down to read the newspaper.
By: Al Penwasser on September 25, 2013
In my dreams (nightmares?), public restrooms have no graffiti since they have no walls. They are just out in the open... Not sure what's worse - the graffiti you saw or my dreams without walls!
By: Pixel Peeper on September 25, 2013
Dang! I thought we were going to find out that you were in the women's room.
By: Val on September 25, 2013
At least you weren't far from where you would have to go to report it all to the police...
By: mimi on September 26, 2013
I wonder if it was written at 10 minutes to 5 and the author was watching outside the mens' room to see who came hightailing it out of there!!
By: jenny_o on September 26, 2013
By: Hilary on September 26, 2013
I avoid them for this reason, Stephen. Glad you got out of there!
By: Michael Manning on September 26, 2013
Wow, that was a close shave.
By: Bryan Jones on September 26, 2013
What can I say, the imagery..........Great tale!
By: John on September 27, 2013
I would say ..'oh shit" but that just seems so easy. Frankly if I saw a message like that, I would stop mid-stream and run out of the bathroom. There are too many nuts in the world to take a chance.
By: Cheryl P. on September 27, 2013
But you missed a "mind-blowing good time." Not just a "really" good time or a "groovy" time, but mind-blowingly good time! Dude, I woulda stayed to see what sauntered in through the door. (Love the bathroom comics!)
By: Lexa Cain on September 27, 2013
Ew. I hate when I have to do a "sit-down" in a public restroom. Weren't you a little bit curious to see who showed up? (Although, I think I would have gotten out of there pretty quick myself.) Then again... when was the last time you had a "mind-blowing good time"? (And did he actually use a hyphen? A literate toilet trick?)
By: Mitchell Is Moving on October 1, 2013

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