Welcome to the Chubby Chatterbox Newsletter, where I’ll be posting favorites from the Chubby Chatterbox archives. In addition, my complete thriller Return of the Mary Celeste will soon be serialized here for those who have asked for something beyond a regular post.

My novel is based on a true event, arguably the greatest maritime mystery of all time. In 1872 the crew and passengers of Boston brigantine Mary Celeste abandoned their seaworthy ship and its valuable cargo, vanishing in the middle of the Atlantic. Speculation over their fate has never abated. History records that after the Mary Celeste tragedy no one from that fateful voyage was ever seen again. History is about to be rewritten…

Return of the Mary Celeste

Prologue

Tragedy struck the brigantine Mary Celeste on the morning of November 25, 1872. The hourly log was later recovered from the deserted vessel; At 8 a.m. the last notation was made. By 9 a.m. no one remained aboard to chalk the next entry.

Something had terrified Captain Benjamin Briggs and his crew, prompting the seasoned skipper to make a decision certain to affect not only himself, his ship and crew, but his family as well—his wife and two year old daughter were aboard Mary Celeste. Much ink has been spilled in fanciful and scientific attempts to explain the calamity that engulfed this perfectly seaworthy ship, yet all that is known for certain is this: in a matter of minutes Captain Briggs became convinced that the only way to save their lives was by ordering everyone into a hastily launched lifeboat. By giving the order to abandon ship, he also launched the greatest of all maritime mysteries.

On December 5, 1872, a month after leaving New York Harbor, Mary Celeste was found drifting on a calm and empty sea. The ship was in fine condition, perfectly intact with valuable cargo safely stored in her hold, but the crew and passengers had vanished. None were ever seen again.

Until now….

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The Bomb Shelter Game

August 13, 2014

 

 

This was among the first posts on my original site. I’ve listed it under favorites on my new blog but it hasn’t received any comments. I thought it might be fun to rerun it in case you missed it.

 

********************

 

Back in 1967 when I was a junior in high school, Mr. Farrington, our social studies teacher, came up with an interesting idea that made us all stop thinking about our raging hormones to focus on something nearly as important—survival. The Soviet Union hadn’t crumbled yet and nuclear annihilation remained a distinct possibility, so engaging in a life and death struggle for survival, even if it was only a game, was far more interesting than the usual drivel we were exposed to in class. The game revolved around an imaginary bomb shelter. Pretend bombs were on their way from Russia and we got to decide which of our classmates got to live or die.

     

This was long before reality TV where pampered people get voted off an island. We all took the game seriously, but this wasn’t supposed to be a popularity contest; we each randomly selected an occupation and part of our grade (yes, we were graded on this) depended on just how well we defended the importance of our occupation in the new society we would be creating.

 

Some of the occupations randomly selected were doctors, electricians, carpenters, engineers, nurses and other vocations easy to defend. I mean really; how difficult would it be to convince your fellow classmates that a doctor would be useful once the doors of the bomb shelter swung open? And it would be nice to have people around who could build and repair things. The poor kid stuck with being a lawyer was screwed, but the girl who was a botanist gained admittance after convincing everyone that she could teach survivors how to grow edible food and determine which ones had been poisoned by radiation.

     

I was stuck with an occupation difficult to defend—artist. Unlike other students who got to select randomly, Mr. Farrington chose this profession for me for, what I assume, were two reasons: one, I was the star of our high school’s Art Department; two, I was a well-known chatterbox and he must have figured I could pull off defending such a questionable occupation. At the time I didn’t think this fair, but learning that life wasn’t fair was an important part of any education.

     

The game neared conclusion with only two students remaining to compete for the last spot in the shelter. I had to contend with Jill Stanton. I went first. I rose from my desk and stood before the class to deliver a presentation on why I should be selected for survival.

     

I was brilliant as I defended the importance of art, building a rhythmic speech that resonated with passion and ended with, “When the bomb shelter doors open we will set about creating a new world to replace the old, but why bother? Just to survive? We need a reason to survive, something larger than ourselves, something to address our descendants to let them know what we thought and felt during this difficult time. Art is our connection to the divine, a manifestation of our indomitable spirit. Our brave new world will be a cold and heartless place without art! So select me!”

     

I sat down to thunderous applause. Mr. Farrington’s grin suggested that I’d pulled it off. But one hurdle remained—Jill Stanton.

    

She stood up and pulled at the snug sweater I’d never seen her wear before. I’d never noticed that she had breasts. And nice ones, not that I’d seen any yet. She took her time sashaying to the front of the class, where she delivered a speech of only seven words.

     

Without bothering to give her name or explain what her profession was, she said, “I’m young. I’m hot. And I’m fertile.” With that she slowly walked back to her seat.

     

It was my misfortune that there were double the number of boys in my class than girls. When the imaginary bombs came I was stuck outside the bomb shelter screaming, “Let me in...”

 

 

 

Slim Pickens riding the bomb in Dr. Strangelove from 1964.

 



Comments

24 Comments
oh my god.....you are a crack up. Bless your heart, boobs trump grand ideals in any teenage boys view. Oma Linda
By: omalinda on August 13, 2014
Oh, dear me. That Jill Stanton was a smart chick. Love, Janie
By: Janie Junebug on August 13, 2014
There is no speech to defeat her logic! That game would not be allowed today...kind of like intellectual dodgeball.
By: Cranky Old Man on August 13, 2014
haha. she's a clever one.
By: TexWisGirl on August 13, 2014
Well, Stephen, nice knowin' ya', but sorry to say, I would have been voting with the majority on this one!
By: tomsightings on August 13, 2014
There would have been no way to beat her!!
By: fishducky on August 13, 2014
That is a riot. You didn't have a chance Rembrandt. With her smarts and savvy, I'm sure she is a CEO somewhere. That deserved a rerun.
By: Akansas Patti on August 13, 2014
Yes, i remember this story -- and it's still funny!
By: mimi on August 13, 2014
I saw a movie trailer recently where a teacher conducts a similar experiment on some high school kids. Then things get real or something. I forget the title but I know it's one of those little indie movies, not anything people would have heard of.
By: PT Dilloway on August 13, 2014
damn, the girl knew how to play the game given that the class had a majority of boys. i wonder though, did a single girl vote for her? she'd better watch her back in the post-apocalyptic world.
By: lime on August 13, 2014
Who said life was fair?
By: red on August 13, 2014
My students reported that after reading a novel, another teacher gave them a group project in which they had to pick three people from our school to help them survive on a deserted island. I was flattered that a few picked me, the science teacher, because they thought I could tell them the edible and poisonous foods, and how to get fresh water. HOWEVER...one group picked a 6' 7" social studies teacher known for his penchant for telling somewhat outrageous stories from his youth. "He will keep us entertained so we're not depressed, and when we get tired of his stories, we can eat him!"
By: Val on August 13, 2014
I wonder what Jill Stanton does today? (I'm sort of hoping she has four bratty kids and gained 30 pounds)
By: Pixel Peeper on August 13, 2014
Wonderful story. Tears running down my face. And NOT for you.
By: Catalyst/Taylor on August 13, 2014
hahah Boobs win over just about anything else- you had no chance.
By: Kathe W. on August 13, 2014
Sorry, she would have got my vote.
By: Jerry E. Beuterbaugh on August 14, 2014
Ah, another example of a woman using her God-given charms for personal gain. Great story. And I loved your speech - a hint of Martin Luther there (although I'd still have voted for Jill!)
By: Bryan Jones on August 14, 2014
A great tale and thought provoking too. I am sure you can guess which way I would have voted.....................
By: John on August 14, 2014
You made very good points. But, I'd trade all my paint brushes for one peak at what Jill could bring to the table.
By: Al Penwasser on August 14, 2014
God bless Jill Stanton! But she would have done NOTHING for me personally. I would have picked the artist.
By: Mitchell is Moving on August 14, 2014
Have to give her credit. No identity, no profession, just 7 words. But, she could not have chosen 7 better words, given the make-up of the class. Kudos to her for knowing that. Shame that you got left out in the cold. Your speech was brilliant!!! Enjoyed, Slu
By: Slu on August 15, 2014
I was wondering why Strippers weren't part of the list. That said, I suppose Jill was the closest to that occupation. I wonder if Mr. Farrington noticed her sweater.
By: Daniel LaFrance on August 15, 2014
Hilarious, Stephen. I'm glad you reposted. You made great points but obviously, Jill's were better. ;) Did you ever find out what her occupation was supposed to be?
By: Hilary on August 17, 2014
The seven words that destroy! I enjoyed this post!
By: Michael Manning on August 26, 2014

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